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I’m avoiding things I used to do

Avoiding things can take several shapes. You might keep putting off an email, a bill, a phone call or an appointment. You might stay away from places, situations or people, or stop doing things you used to enjoy. This page looks at when avoiding things can become a problem, what can sit behind it, and what helps.

Why avoiding makes sense at the time

Researchers who study putting things off describe it as delaying something you meant to do, even though you know you’ll probably be worse off for the delay (Sirois and Pychyl, 2013). What researchers call procrastination often happens with tasks that feel unpleasant to face. It has a lot to do with getting away from a bad feeling now, and less to do with managing time. The relief is real and short. Putting something off to feel better now often leaves people feeling worse later.

Avoiding something is a way of getting away from a bad feeling, and it works in the short term. That’s what makes it hard to stop, and it’s why therapy works on the feeling as well as the task. If you avoid what makes you anxious, you don’t get the chance to find out that you can manage it (Beyond Blue).

What can sit behind it

People describe different things behind avoiding, and more than one can be true at the same time.

What tends to help

Several approaches work on avoiding things directly, and what suits you depends on what’s behind the avoiding.

  • Behavioural activation A therapy that works on what you do. You and your therapist look at what a week actually contains, then plan specific things back into it. The planning comes first, and the motivation is expected to follow. More in the jargon decoder . Behavioural activation works on what you do rather than on what you think. You and your therapist look at what a week actually contains, then plan specific things back into the week. Those things start far smaller than seems worth doing. If you don’t manage to do something that was in your plan, that’s valuable information for the next session. This Approach (modality) The kind of therapy someone uses, such as CBT or psychodynamic therapy. You'll also see it called a modality. More in the jargon decoder is used a lot when mood is low.
  • Exposure (facing things in steps) Facing what you've been avoiding, a bit at a time, and staying long enough for the alarm to settle. For fear and anxiety, it's often the part of therapy that does most of the work. More in the jargon decoder . For things that make you anxious, cognitive behavioural therapy (Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) A structured, practical form of talking therapy. It's built on a simple idea: what you think affects how you feel, and both affect what you do. More in the jargon decoder ) often involves going towards what you’ve been avoiding in small steps, in a way that feels safe (Beyond Blue). You take each step slowly enough that the anxiety can settle.
  • CBT for putting things off. A review looked at 24 studies focused on therapy for putting things off (van Eerde and Klingsieck, 2018). People put things off much less after receiving therapy, and the changes held. Of the kinds of help compared, CBT made the biggest difference. The reviewers say this finding needs more research to confirm.

If something is behind the avoiding, such as low mood or something that happened, working on that often helps too.

Something to try in the meantime

One thing that can help is picking a small task you’ve been avoiding and doing it, for the sense of having got something done (healthdirect, on anxiety). Pick something smaller than seems worth bothering with. If it doesn’t happen, that tells you something about what’s in the way, and it’s worth raising with a GP (general practitioner) For most people, where getting help starts. A GP can write a Mental Health Treatment Plan, prescribe medication and refer you on, and some are trained to deliver a small number of structured therapy sessions themselves. More in the jargon decoder or therapist. It’s something to try alongside other help, not as a replacement.

Where to start

It’s worth talking to a GP or a mental health professional if avoiding things is getting in the way of your work, study, relationships or daily life. You don’t have to wait until it’s worse. A GP is the usual first step.

There are several ways to pay for therapy:

  • Full fee. Seeing a private Psychologist Someone trained to assess mental health problems and treat them with therapy. It takes at least six years of study and supervised practice, and they're registered with Ahpra, the national regulator. Psychologists can't prescribe medication. More in the jargon decoder , Counsellor Someone trained to help people talk through and work on difficulties. The title isn't protected in Australia, so it's worth checking a counsellor's training and registration. Medicare doesn't give a rebate for counsellors. More in the jargon decoder or Psychotherapist Someone trained in therapy, often for longer-standing patterns. Like counsellor, the title isn't protected in Australia, and Medicare doesn't give a rebate for psychotherapists. More in the jargon decoder directly, with no limit on the number of sessions. Medicare Australia's public health insurance scheme. For mental health, it gives rebates on sessions with psychologists and some other professionals, usually through a Mental Health Treatment Plan. More in the jargon decoder doesn’t cover counsellors or psychotherapists.
  • Workplace programs. Many employers pay for a few sessions for their staff.
  • Community services. Non-profit organisations and local community health centres provide low-cost care.
  • headspace A national youth mental health service for anyone aged 12 to 25, with centres around Australia and support online and by phone. It's free or close to it, you don't need a referral or a parent, and you can book it yourself. More in the jargon decoder . headspace offers free or low-cost support for people aged 12 to 25.
  • Groups. Group therapy A trained professional, sometimes two, working with several people at once. It's a way of running therapy, and many approaches work in groups. More in the jargon decoder programs usually cost less per session.
  • A Mental Health Treatment Plan A document your GP writes with you. It makes you eligible for a Medicare rebate on up to ten individual sessions a calendar year: six, then a review with your GP, then the remaining four. The plan itself isn't therapy. More in the jargon decoder . Your GP assesses whether a plan suits you. A plan gives you a Medicare Rebate The amount Medicare pays back towards a session. It comes back to you after you've paid, so what you pay yourself is the fee minus the rebate. More in the jargon decoder on up to ten sessions a calendar year.

Free and low-cost options has more on each of these. If you’re under 18, Kids Helpline is there to talk to any time, and a GP or headspace can help you find someone to see.

If things are difficult right now, Lifeline is on 13 11 14, the Suicide Call Back Service is on 1300 659 467, and Kids Helpline is on 1800 55 1800 for anyone aged 5 to 25. In an emergency, call 000. Crisis and emergency support has the full list.

Where next

Whichever approach you choose, how well you and your therapist work together matters a great deal. Why who you see matters more than what they do explains why.