Others say I’m not okay and I think I’m fine

Someone close to you has said they’re worried about you, or that you should talk to someone. It might be a partner, a parent, a friend, your GP (general practitioner) For most people, where getting help starts. A GP can write a Mental Health Treatment Plan, prescribe medication and refer you on, and some are trained to deliver a small number of structured therapy sessions themselves. More in the jargon decoder or someone at work. You think you’re fine. Hearing this can feel annoying or hurtful, or leave you quietly wondering what they’re seeing. This page doesn’t decide who’s right. It covers why both views count, when safety comes first, what’s worth checking with a GP either way, and how to find out more on your own terms.

Two views of the same person

Researchers who study how well people know themselves say the fullest picture of a person comes from two places. One is their own view, and the other is the views of people who know them well (Vazire and Carlson, 2011). Your own view of yourself is mostly accurate, but people close to you can sometimes see some things about you more clearly than you can. So they might be seeing something real, they might be wrong, or they might be partly right. You don’t have to settle that to find out more.

You don’t have to agree with them to ask what they’ve noticed. “What have you seen that’s worrying you?” usually gets a more specific answer than “you’re not okay”, and a specific answer is easier to think about.

If this is about your safety

Someone’s worried you might not be safe. If someone close to you is worried you might hurt yourself, it’s worth talking to someone today, even if you don’t see it the same way. Lifeline is on 13 11 14 and Kids Helpline is on 1800 55 1800 for anyone aged 5 to 25, any time.
The person saying it also frightens you. Deliberately making someone question their own memory and mental health is a form of abuse (1800RESPECT). What matters is what else they do. If someone who says you’re not okay also frightens you, controls your money, checks where you go and who you see, or hurts you, that isn’t something for you to fix in yourself. Your safety comes first. 1800RESPECT is on 1800 737 732, around the clock, for domestic, family and sexual violence. In an emergency, call 000.

Worth a GP visit soon, whether or not you agree

Some of the things people notice are worth checking with a GP soon, even if you feel fine, because feeling fine can be part of them.

They’re worried about your drinking or drug use. A GP can talk it through with you, and you don’t have to agree it’s a problem to ask.
They’ve noticed a big change in your mood or energy. This can include having a lot more energy than usual and needing much less sleep, or thoughts racing and talking fast. It can also include spending or taking risks in ways you normally wouldn’t, or feeling very happy or very irritable (healthdirect, on big changes in mood and energy). If that’s what they’ve noticed, talk to a GP. Feeling very good can be a part of some mental health issues. The healthdirect advice is to talk to a doctor about big changes in mood, in yourself or in someone else.
They’re worried about your eating or your weight. With eating, getting help early may stop things getting worse, and can help recovery (healthdirect, on eating). See a GP. The Butterfly Foundation’s helpline is on 1800 33 4673, 8am to midnight eastern time, every day, for anyone worried about eating or body image.
They say you’re seeing, hearing or believing things they don’t. With experiences like these, getting help early can be important (healthdirect, on seeing or hearing things others don’t). See a GP soon. headspace A national youth mental health service for anyone aged 12 to 25, with centres around Australia and support online and by phone. It's free or close to it, you don't need a referral or a parent, and you can book it yourself. More in the jargon decoder offers free or low-cost support for people aged 12 to 25, and you don’t need a Referral A letter from a GP, psychiatrist or paediatrician that you need for the Medicare rebate. You can see a psychologist without one if you pay the full fee. More in the jargon decoder .

A GP is the right first stop when something changed and you can’t account for it, or when the trouble might be physical. Things that can feel like a mental health problem covers what’s worth ruling out.

If you’re still not sure

If none of that applies, you can find out more without agreeing that anything’s wrong.

Rather than asking whether things are bad enough, ask yourself what you’d want to be different. Would I benefit from therapy? explains why that’s the more useful question.

One session tells you a lot: not whether therapy works, but whether talking to this person, about this, feels like it might go somewhere. Most of a first session is your therapist getting the picture, and the two of you working out whether you can work together. Nothing commits you to a second meeting. What happens in a first session covers what else to expect.

People tend to do better in therapy when they and their therapist agree on what they’re working on (Tryon and colleagues, 2018). So what you work on is yours to decide, and it doesn’t have to be what someone else thinks is wrong.

Motivational interviewing is an Approach (modality) The kind of therapy someone uses, such as CBT or psychodynamic therapy. You'll also see it called a modality. More in the jargon decoder built for being in two minds about changing something, and it was first developed in addiction counselling (Miller and Rose, 2009). A therapist using it doesn’t argue with you or try to talk you into anything. They help you look at both sides, and any reasons for changing come from you. A review of 119 studies found motivational interviewing helped a little more than minimal or no help, and the difference lasted (Lundahl and colleagues, 2010). Compared with other active approaches, there was no clear difference. Most of that research was about drinking, drug use, smoking and health habits. You can ask a therapist whether they work this way.

Deciding not to do anything right now is a choice you’re allowed to make. If things change, or the people around you stay worried, it’s worth looking at this again.

Where to start

A GP is the usual first step, and can check for physical causes at the same time.

There are several ways to pay for therapy:

Full fee. Seeing a private Psychologist Someone trained to assess mental health problems and treat them with therapy. It takes at least six years of study and supervised practice, and they're registered with Ahpra, the national regulator. Psychologists can't prescribe medication. More in the jargon decoder , Counsellor Someone trained to help people talk through and work on difficulties. The title isn't protected in Australia, so it's worth checking a counsellor's training and registration. Medicare doesn't give a rebate for counsellors. More in the jargon decoder or Psychotherapist Someone trained in therapy, often for longer-standing patterns. Like counsellor, the title isn't protected in Australia, and Medicare doesn't give a rebate for psychotherapists. More in the jargon decoder directly. Medicare Australia's public health insurance scheme. For mental health, it gives rebates on sessions with psychologists and some other professionals, usually through a Mental Health Treatment Plan. More in the jargon decoder doesn’t cover counsellors or psychotherapists.
Workplace programs. Many employers pay for a few sessions for their staff.
Community services. Non-profit organisations and local community health centres provide low-cost care.
headspace. headspace offers free or low-cost support for people aged 12 to 25.
Groups. Group therapy A trained professional, sometimes two, working with several people at once. It's a way of running therapy, and many approaches work in groups. More in the jargon decoder programs, which usually cost less per session.
A Mental Health Treatment Plan A document your GP writes with you. It makes you eligible for a Medicare rebate on up to ten individual sessions a calendar year: six, then a review with your GP, then the remaining four. The plan itself isn't therapy. More in the jargon decoder . Your GP assesses whether a plan suits you. A plan gives you a Medicare Rebate The amount Medicare pays back towards a session. It comes back to you after you've paid, so what you pay yourself is the fee minus the rebate. More in the jargon decoder on up to ten sessions a calendar year.

Free and low-cost options has more on each of these. If you’re under 18, Kids Helpline is there to talk to any time, and a GP or headspace can help you find someone to see.

If you’re the one who’s worried about someone, what you can do when someone won’t get help covers your side of this.

If you’ve had thoughts of hurting yourself, or of suicide, the numbers below are there any time.

Kids Helpline is on 1800 55 1800, any time, for anyone aged 5 to 25. Lifeline is on 13 11 14 and, if you’re 15 or over, the Suicide Call Back Service is on 1300 659 467. In an emergency, call 000. Crisis and emergency support has the full list.

Where next

Does therapy actually work? covers what the research shows about whether therapy helps, including who it doesn’t help.

Whichever approach you choose, how well you and your therapist work together matters a great deal. Why who you see matters more than what they do explains why.