When you’re worried someone isn’t safe

If someone is in immediate danger, call 000 and, if it’s safe, stay with them. If they’ve already hurt themselves, give first aid if you can and ask for an ambulance (Mental Health First Aid, on suicidal thoughts).

You might be worried right now that someone close to you is thinking about hurting themselves or ending their life. If you’re worried enough to be reading this, that’s reason enough to ask. This page covers how to ask them directly, what to do if they say yes, and where to get help.

Asking

If you think someone might be thinking about suicide, ask them directly (Mental Health First Aid, on suicidal thoughts). You can ask simply: “Are you having thoughts of suicide?” Don’t ask in a way that suggests the answer you want to hear.

Researchers who reviewed the studies on this Approach (modality) The kind of therapy someone uses, such as CBT or psychodynamic therapy. You'll also see it called a modality. More in the jargon decoder found that asking people about suicide didn’t increase suicidal thoughts, in adults or teenagers (Dazzi and colleagues, 2014). Asking someone about suicidal thoughts won’t make them more likely to act on those thoughts.

You don’t need the perfect words. Asking plainly tells them it’s safe to answer honestly. How to start the conversation covers choosing a time and place, if there’s time.

If they say yes

Listen. Give them your full attention (Mental Health First Aid, on suicidal thoughts). Let them talk about what they’re feeling and their reasons, and acknowledge what they say.
Don’t argue. Don’t argue with them about suicide, don’t use guilt or threats, don’t play down their problems, don’t offer quick reassurance, and don’t interrupt with your own stories. Don’t treat it as something they don’t mean.
Stay with them, if it’s safe. Someone who is thinking about suicide shouldn’t be left on their own. Work out together what will keep them safe for now.
Get help now. Encourage them to get professional help as soon as possible. If they don’t want to talk to someone face to face, a helpline is another option. You can ring the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 or Lifeline on 13 11 14 about another person, and you don’t need their permission to ask for advice. You can offer to make the call with them.

Don’t keep it a secret

Never agree to keep a plan or risk of suicide a secret (Mental Health First Aid, on suicidal thoughts). Keeping them safe can mean telling someone even if they’d rather you didn’t.

If you’re under 18 and a friend has told you this, tell an adult you trust today, even if your friend asked you not to. Kids Helpline is there for you too, any time.

If it’s a young person who doesn’t want help, make sure someone close to them knows, such as a family member or a close friend. If you’re an adult worried about a young person, Lifeline or Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) will talk it through with you.

If they’re hurting themselves

If you find out someone is hurting themselves, try to stay calm, and try not to show shock or anger (Mental Health First Aid, on self-injury). The only way to know whether they’re also thinking about suicide is to ask them directly, in the same plain way.

Don’t try to make them promise to stop, and don’t use ultimatums. If they’re an adult, let them stay in control of getting help as much as possible. If an injury is serious, get emergency help.

If it’s a teenager, the same guidelines say a more directive approach may be needed. Help them plan how to get help, starting with their GP (general practitioner) For most people, where getting help starts. A GP can write a Mental Health Treatment Plan, prescribe medication and refer you on, and some are trained to deliver a small number of structured therapy sessions themselves. More in the jargon decoder , and offer to go with them to the appointment. headspace A national youth mental health service for anyone aged 12 to 25, with centres around Australia and support online and by phone. It's free or close to it, you don't need a referral or a parent, and you can book it yourself. More in the jargon decoder has more on supporting a young person who self-harms.

If you’re under 18 and this is a friend, tell an adult you trust.

Afterwards, and you

After helping someone through this, look after yourself too (Mental Health First Aid, on suicidal thoughts). The Suicide Call Back Service supports people who are worried about someone, as well as people who are struggling themselves.

If they won’t get help once the immediate worry has passed, what you can do when someone won’t get help covers what you can still do.

Kids Helpline is on 1800 55 1800, any time, for anyone aged 5 to 25. Lifeline is on 13 11 14 and, if you’re 15 or over, the Suicide Call Back Service is on 1300 659 467. In an emergency, call 000. Crisis and emergency support has the full list.